Published on February 15, 2024 by Better4U Editorial Team|

What is Ethical Non-Monogamy OR ENM

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is engaging in romantic relationships that are not completely exclusive between two people.

Although most couples in our society are polygamous and some are monogamous, meaning that once they are partnered, they do not have a sexual or romantic relationship with anyone else, approximately one in five people enter into a non-monogamous relationship at some point in their lives.

Keep reading to learn about ENM’s meaning, why some may choose it, examples of ethical non-monogamy, and how to find relationship support if you are struggling and need online counseling.

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What is Ethical Non-Monogamy OR ENM Meaning

What is the ENM relationship?

An ethical, non-monogamous partnership is called an ENM relationship. This term refers to someone with multiple romantic relationships; all parties accept and agree to these boundaries. We consider many different types of relationships under the general concept of “ethical non-monogamy”, which we will briefly explore. Regular non-monogamy, infidelity or cheating is not the same as an ENM relationship. In this case, neither partner gives the other permission to have a romantic or intimate relationship with the other person.

It’s safe to say that ENM’s dating and relationship philosophy is also steadily gaining traction, with 42% of users approaching intimacy, dating and sex more openly and adventurously than last year in the 2023 study. Moreover, one in six (16%) US respondents recently thought about non-monogamy.

Monogamy vs. Ethical Non-Monogamy

Monogamy makes us feel like we’ve found “our soulmate for life,” but in reality, it’s just a commitment to one person at a time.

Before we felt like we’d found “the one,” we’d all been dating different people for several years. Although this is usually the exception, some of us are lucky enough to meet this particular person at an early age. Many are forced to continue experimenting until they find their soulmate. Some people may always stay in the dating scene, even if they meet someone they want to commit to.

Consensual non-monogamous relationships make up about 4-5% of all relationships. Research has shown that people who practice monogamy put more effort into maintaining their relationships than those who don’t, but that doesn’t mean one type of relationship is better. This conclusion can be reached in many ways, one of which could be that those who practice monogamy are afraid of losing their relationship as they represent their entire world. Moreover, this may indicate that non-monogamy makes partners feel more secure.

Read More: All You Need To Know About Monogamy and Polygamy

What kinds of ethical non-monogamy are out there?

Besides polyamory, there are several other ethical non-monogamous practices, such as:

  • Polygamy: It is the practice of marrying more than one person at the same time.
  • Throples or Triads: Three people who date each other are known as triads or threesomes.
  • Hierarchical relationships: In a hierarchical relationship, there is a group of “primary partners”, usually a couple, who prioritize each other over “secondary” partners.
  • Open Relationships: Several people engage in sexual encounters in open relationships.
  • Swinging: It is the practice of “swapping” partners for sex.
  • Polyfidelity: A group relationship occurs when all members are equal partners and no one dates or has sex with anyone outside the group. Polyfidelity can take the form of triads or triples (groups of three), vies (three-person relationships in which one person is dating two people but they are not dating each other) and foursomes (groups of four).
  • Casual Sex: People who engage in casual sex may have multiple sexual partners and do so without any romantic involvement or commitment.
  • Casual dating: meeting several people at the same time
  • Relationship anarchy is another subtype, although many view it as a political or philosophical position rather than a relationship style.

Having multiple intimate relationships can be a sign of relationship anarchy. It’s important to remember that any of the above types of relationships must be entirely consensual to qualify as “ethical non-monogamy.” A person will not meet the criteria for ethical non-monogamy if he is pushed into polygamy or if one partner feels pressured to hesitate.

Why People Choose ENM

There are many reasons to want a relationship structure that is ethically non-monogamous. Here are some of them:

Opportunity to explore our sexuality: It may take us some time to understand how sexuality changes over time entirely. ENM makes sense for those who want to experiment with people outside their partner’s gender to explore their sexual identity better since it does not require them to leave the relationship.

Some relationships don’t meet a person’s needs: there is a lot of pressure on one person to adore everything you love and fit in flawlessly. People who practice ENM are free to seek out someone outside their relationship who can share their romantic or sexual interests, which can help relieve some of the pressure.

Lots of love to share: Some people can love more than one person at a time, and as a result, they report feeling happier and more fulfilled in life.

How To Know If Ethical Non-Monogamy Is Right For You

Would ethical non-monogamy work for you? It’s vital to research, maintain open communication with your partner, and, most of all, be self-aware before rushing into a new relationship style.

  • Can you be attracted to more than one person at the same time?
  • Are you able to afford your loved ones to visit attractions?
  • Can tools, models, guides, discussion outlines, or instructors help you on your ENM journey?
  • Can you discuss your boundaries, structure, and desires in a relationship more than in the past when you were monogamous?

If you can answer a resounding yes, ENM could be perfect.

Online Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals

For many people, ethical non-monogamy can be a great type of relationship. Setting clear boundaries, respecting each other, and communicating are critical in any relationship. Talking about everything can help you, from your long-term relationship goals to how you’ll manage the day-to-day details of working at ENM. You will also benefit from regular communication with your spouse to see how you adjust to new relationship dynamics as you transition into an ENM couple.

Research has shown that online relationship counseling and online therapy show the same results as in-person therapy. One such study, for example, looked at the effectiveness of a behavioral therapy program for couples using videoconferencing. Participants in the program demonstrated improvements in their mental and relationship satisfaction, leading the researchers to conclude that “couples therapy via videoconferencing is a viable alternative to in-person intervention.”

The takeaway

Any relationship, whether romantic or sexual, that does not take the form of an exclusive, monogamous partnership between two people is called ethical non-monogamy. It can be enjoyable, liberating, a way of life, or simply who you are. It can also be complex, frustrating, confusing and confusing. (Like any other type of partnership!) Follow the Better4U Online Therapy for the best counseling and relationship therapy near you!

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