Characteristics Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man
Some people are looking for someone to date primarily because they want to form a close emotional connection. However, what happens if you devote time and energy to a relationship in which your partner does not seem to share your need for a close emotional connection? This may indicate that the person you are dating is emotionally unavailable. When you both have different desires, communicating with people who lack an emotional connection can be difficult; it can make you feel unwanted, lonely, depressed and unimportant. Keep reading to learn what makes someone emotionally unavailable and tips for coping when the other person doesn’t feel the same way about you.
What makes a partner emotionally unavailable?
It can be difficult to identify emotional unavailability. Many emotionally unavailable people have a talent for making you feel great about yourself and optimistic about your relationship’s future. However, if you never grow closer to each other after an intimate start, they may not be able to maintain more than a passing interest for the time being.
Signs Of An Emotionally Unavailable Man
The signs below can help you recognize emotional unavailability in a partner.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t even scratch the surface of this guy’s feelings. Talking about his real emotions – love, grief, humiliation, shame or any other emotion – makes him feel awkward and may seem “weak” and insecure. He became emotionally “colourblind,” learning to suppress and ignore his bad feelings in particular.
He may become hostile, confused, or defensive if you try to get past his emotional wall of defence. Sometimes, he may allow you a glimpse of his inner world before closing the door and keeping you out again.
He reflects your emotions rather than expressing his own
When you convey your emotions to someone, observe their reaction. Do they express their feelings in unique ways? Or do they respond, “I feel the same way,” in response to what you say? Making an emotional bond is very important in a relationship, although only some people like to discuss their feelings constantly. Even if you start a conversation and ask pointed questions, if your man still doesn’t open up, it could mean they’re emotionally unavailable.
Difficulty Showing Non-Sexual Affection
Emotionally unavailable men may find physical contact irresistible or unnecessary unless it leads to sex or is part of sexual activity. They usually don’t start holding hands, hugging, or cuddling.
They may pull away or feel awkward publicly showing affection if you ask for physical affection. You may notice that they recoil or become stiff when you touch them gently. When you touch them, it may feel like an intrusion rather than a gentle and caring gesture, and they may even act angry or disgusted.
Avoids Sex Altogether
Some of these men feel that sex is too intimate and requires too much of them, so they either avoid it or initiate it infrequently. As a result, his performance and libido may suffer. He may know that you are hoping for more from a sexual session, but he is either unable or unwilling to provide it. Then he doesn’t want to have sex with you. It seems like too much work. His stress level may be so high due to his inability to let you down and be vulnerable that he is rarely in the mood for sex. It just seems like another task.
They’re insecure
Uncertainty in relationships can cause people to distance themselves from the things that might give them a sense of security. Someone insecure may ruin a relationship to avoid getting too close.
They get defensive easily
Relationship dynamics hurt feelings, and requests for behavioural changes are rarely topics of conversation initiated by emotionally unavailable men.
Defensive behaviour is another common reaction to emotionally unavailable relationships. Alternatively, they may attribute their difficulties to you or another person. They also have problems trusting others, leading to them being emotionally distant. Essentially, a distrustful and distant lifestyle is a symptom of Cluster A personality disorders. This can cause someone to lose their emotional availability.
Uncomfortable Discussing Emotional Topics
You want your man to support you through complex or confusing feelings. Unfortunately, an emotionally unavailable man has difficulty being fully present regarding your feelings. He is not able to listen to you sympathetically and validate your emotions. Either he minimizes your feelings, refuses to hear, or uses your problems to avoid discomfort.
Their relationship history is one big red flag
Take that at face value if the person you perceive as emotionally unavailable has a history of infidelity, situations, ghosting, breadcrumbs, or anything else that indicates a lack of desire to form a close personal connection. While it may be hard to believe that you will be the one who can turn them into a kind and caring partner, chances are they will treat you the same way they treat every other relationship they’ve had.
What To Do If Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable
No worries! Every problem has solutions. You need to help your man get out of this phase. Here are some tips on how to cope with the situation.
- Open Communication
Start an open and honest conversation about emotions by expressing your feelings and encouraging your partner to share theirs. Create a safe space where both partners feel comfortable discussing vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.
- Practice Empathy
Understanding your partner’s emotional issues is crucial. Approach the situation with empathy, recognizing that emotional unavailability may be due to past experiences or personal issues. Avoid blaming and criticizing and instead focus on creating a positive environment.
- Set Boundaries
Set clear and healthy boundaries in your relationship. Set expectations and discuss how both partners can contribute to an emotionally fulfilling connection. Encourage each other to take responsibility for personal growth and self-awareness.
Seek Professional Support For Emotional Unavailability
Remember that this is new territory for you. Be patient with yourself, take tolerant steps to tune into your emotions, and be more present with your partner while maintaining your bodily boundaries. It’s okay to take breaks when you start to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to take breaks when you begin to feel overwhelmed. Consider discussing a “time out” with your partner as things get heated during an argument. A mental health professional with expertise in internal family systems therapy or Emotionally Focused Therapy can help both couples recognize their attachment needs and traumas and develop strategies to foster a stable, functional connection. If your partner does not want to participate in couples counselling, you can start with individual online counseling.
